From Helpless to Hopeful

Do you ever feel empty? Useless? Tired? Burdened? Overwhelmed? Helpless?

I think a LOT of people are probably feeling some or all of these feelings these days.

The bills after Christmas burden us!

The sunless days of winter make us tired!

The fast pace of society wears us down!

Someone we love faces a medical scare and we feel useless!

A dear friend loses a loved one and we feel helpless!

ALL of these things have happened recently and I have been feeling empty - burdened - tired - helpless and overwhelmed!

And now...

The devastation in Haiti ... It is overwhelming!!!

This earthquake kind of puts things into perspective, don't you think?

God has been prodding me and reminding me that He is the only source of strength!

God is our protection and our strength.
He always helps in times of trouble.
The Lord All-Powerful is with us;
the God of Jacob is our defender.
Psalm 46:1, 11


He is our only hope!!

He gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak. The people who trust the LORD will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired. Isaiah 40:29, 31


My SisterChick, Lana, has a daughter, Heather. Heather is married to Gerson, a Haitian, and they have been living in St. Louis. During the past week Lana's father passed away and then the country of Haiti experienced the devastating earthquake. For days Heather and Gerson knew nothing about his family. Thank God they have found out that his family is alive. I cannot imagine the fear that gripped them. They have such an amazing faith and have continued to place their hope and trust in our Heavenly Father. Heather and Gerson are traveling to Haiti this next week with a medical team from our church.

It is so exciting to see God at work!

What Satan meant for evil for the country of Haiti, God can use for good! Many people have come together to help the poor people of Haiti. God can and will use them to make a difference for His kingdom! May His will be done.

Abba, You are mighty and You are God! That is all we need to know - but You have provided us with so much more! Your word assures us that You are the Great I AM - the Alpha and the Omega - the Beginning and the End - the Creator - the Great Physician! In James, Your word tell us "When a believing person prays, great things happen". Father, all over this world believers are praying for the people of Haiti and for the overwhelming taks that are ahead for them and the relief workers. We anticipate and claim the promise of the great things You have planned for Haiti.

I ask that You provide strength, materials, workers, and provisions for these selfless people.

I pray for the many, many people who still do not know if their loved ones are dead or alive.

I pray especially for Heather and Gerson as they return to Gerson's family. I know that there is no way they can be prepared for what they will see, Lord, but just hold them close and may their faith be seen by others.

I pray for Jon and Lisa Bird, Dr. Killion, and the others from our community who are giving of themselves to help the injured and hurting people of Haiti. Father, guide them and provide for them as they are Your hands and feet in a lost and hurting part of Your world.

And Father I ask that you would work in my life. I have so much to be thankful for and yet I am so selfish! I want to stay focused on You, Lord. I want to live for You. I want to listen to You. I want to be obedient to You. I want to be fueled by You on a continuous basis! I want everday to be about You - not me!

I love you, Jesus!

Christmas Vacation

Wow! My Christmas break is almost over!!! I can't believe that I have had 2 weeks off. It seems like such a blur - What did I do? Hmmmm - let's see -

Kate and I went wedding shopping! that was fun

I baked some goodies - yum

Cleaned the house - yuck!

Got caught up on laundry - yea!!!

I wrapped the few gifts I purchased - since we have simplified Christmas that is not near the job it use to be!

I decorated the Christmas tree - it stood bare for several days - poor thing!

I picked my Dad up at the airport on Christmas morning! - slipping and sliding the whole way and I believe I saw about 10 accidents!!

We had Christmas lunch at Jack in the Box - that was a first for me!

Games and Carols Night was a little different this year - the kids had some new people join us and Seth & Jessica arrived just in time!

I had 3 wonderful days with the grandsons! They are getting so big!! It is so cool to watch my son interact with his sons! Colby and Carson have great parents!!!

More wedding shopping - this time with Kate and Jessica!! - we also purchased some honeymoon lingerie - ooh la la!!

Got my house back in order after all the company went home - that is always a sad day!! :(

Enjoyed New Years Eve with some wonderful Christian friends!!!

Took down the Christmas tree and packed up all the Christmas decorations - always seems like a bigger job than getting it all out.

Cleaned my house - everything is back in its spot!

Did laundry - again!!

Wow! I'm exhausted and need a break!!!

That's my Christmas - a big bluuuurrrrrr of activities!!!

Did I take enough time to focus on the One that Christmas is all about? Did I give anything to Him on His birthday? I am ashamed to say that I did not focus on my Savior enough during this Christmas season.

Lord, I am sorry that I lost focus during this season that is suppose to be all about you! I am so very thankful that You never lose focus of me!

As I look back at 2009 I remember how You worked in my life - how I was sweetly broken by You - how You molded my life each day - how You surrounded me with Christian friends - how You made me eat my words. I imagine You must have said SO many times "Oh yeah Jeanna. You think so? Well, daughter, I have a different plan for you. A much better plan that is going to change your life for the better."

I love You Jesus and want 2010 to be the year I grow closer to You and more like You. I want people to see you when they look at my life. I want these same things for my children and grandchildren.

Lord, make this Your year!!!

I love You!!!

Your child,
Jeanna

WHAT? It's almost Christmas?

I have been so busy thinking "Wedding - Wedding - Wedding" that I haven't got my tree decorated!

It is standing but it does not have a single ornament on it and Christmas is less than a week away!

I haven't wrapped any gifts yet either!

Yikes!!!

I better get busy!!!

A New Season of Life

Life has been crazy lately! My beautiful baby girl, Kate, is engaged!

Kate & Jake

She has set her wedding date for this coming May and we have been very busy making wedding plans!! It is SOOOO much fun!! I am relishing every minute of it and want to make the most of sharing this very special season with my daughter!

So far we have booked the venue. She wants an outdoor wedding and reception and selected Vance Vineyards. It is a beautiful setting and will provide minimal decorating and a gorgeous backdrop for pictures.

Vance Vineyards

We have also shopped for and bought the wedding dress. What an exciting day that was. Kate tried on somewhere between 10-15 dresses and the one she selected seems to have been made just for her. Sorry - no pictures to be posted of the dress! You will have to wait for the wedding!

Kate and Jake have selected the wedding party and last weekend I was blessed to shop with Kate and her bridesmaids for their dresses. Not going to post these either. But I will say that her colors are hot pink and lime green. That usually gets one of two responses - "Ooh that will be pretty" or "Really?" I have to admit my response was "Really?" but after shopping with her and seeing everything, I think it is going to be beautiful!

She has picked out and ordered her cake.

http://www.dianescakery.com/photo-gallery/wedding-cakes/

She has book the photographer and scheduled engagement pictures for this weekend.

http://www.simpliphotography.com/

She has booked the pastor.

And last weekend we purchased a whole bunch of silk flowers and accessories.

Religion and The Gospel

I grew up in church and lived most of my young life in and out of God's will. Most of my 'life choices' were made when I was out of God's will and have had a lasting impact on me. However I always felt His presence and could hear him whispering to me that I was making a mistake - I just didn't care enough to listen. The battle within me was raging between my flesh and the Spirit. I couldn't quite turn lose of myself and trust God to run my life. Several years later I decided that I needed to get my act together for God. So I began doing the "right" thing. You know following all the rules - serving in the church doing whatever I could to make me feel good at the time. I wasn't doing all those really big bad sins anymore and the good things I was doing were most certainly cancelling out the little sins in my life. Then God slowly began to teach me about grace. I began to realize I couldn't do enough because He had done it all!!! I had no trouble accepting God's love - I just needed to understand the concept of grace. Through the power of the Holy Spirit I do understand God's grace - I know that there is NOTHING I can do to warrant His magnificant abundant grace. That concept alone makes me want to worship and praise Him!

However, I have still struggled with some theological issues. I guess because I grew up in a strong denomination and in a Christian home I have always had some strong beliefs. I recently have come to realize alot of those beliefs are legalistic, not very scriptural, and have not been very healthy for me and my relationships. God has been teaching me about the spiritual war that has gone on in my life for a very long time! Conquering Addictions has helped me lay to rest several things from my past that have haunted me; and it continues to teach me new truths from God's Word. I have become aware of the battle between religion and The Gospel. I think I have had a clear understanding of The Gospel, but I have been guilty of holding on to man's laws and judging others based on man's law instead of leaning on The Gospel. It can be a struggle to live under the umbrella of God's grace and not get tangled in the web of legalism. The past few years I have felt a release from being judgmental. Today I was reading Galations 5 and felt a fresh understanding of God's Word. So I decided to see how this scripture was worded in The Message.

It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. ...
Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. ...
Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law dominated excistence?

It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat compettion; all consuming yet never satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

But what happens when we live God's way?
Galations 5: 13-22

I love the wording of these verses in The Message!

I want to 'live freely and animated' for Christ!
I want to be 'motivated by God's Spirit'!
I want to 'escape the erratic compulsions of a law dominated existence.'

And that list of destructive behaviors - 'a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; all consuming yet never satisfied wants; divided homes and divided lives; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions' - Why do I let myself get caught up in such things when I know there is so much better for me! God has such a better desire for me!!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galations 5:22-25

(The Message vs 26 - That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.)


Lord Jesus - Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for stretching me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for your abundant grace that continues to cover me. I pray that I will be motivated by Your Spirit; that I will live freely and animated for Christ. I pray that the Fruit of Your Spirit will empower me each day. Remind me each and every day to ask for Your power and strength to live for You. Help me to escape the erratic compulsions of a law dominated existance. I want to avoid emotional garbage and chaos. May You be the only thing I am addicted to!

Freedom from Bondage

Conquering Addictions continues to stir up the pit and at the same time my God continues to sweetly break me free from the bondage that has held me for 35 years!!! It is amazing to me and greatly saddens me that I could be forgiven but still held captive by sin that has been repented of and turned away from!

Last Tuesday the topic of discussion was confession - not just confession to the Lord but, of all things, confession to another believer. I have never been one to believe in public confession - God alone forgives my sin so why would I need to tell any human of my transgressions? Well that is not what we were taught last week. We were reminded that God's Word does say "confess your sins one to another". Another one of my biggest arguments with this whole thing has been that Satan likes to remind me too much of my past failures - I do NOT need to give him an opening to rub certain things in my face again. So I have been adament that I was NOT going to participate in confession and revealing my 'inventories' to anyone - it was just going to be between myself and my God! Well, as usual, the Lord had a different plan. He began to pester my about a shameful secret from my past (35 years ago).

This particular sin has been a heavy burden that Satan has repeatedly told me "If anyone finds out about this, you will lose all respect and they won't want to be around you anymore" "God may have forgiven you, but you will never be rid of this - it is way too BAD for you to forgive yourself".

As I prayed about this particular situation and asked God first of all to 'please don't make me do this - please don't make me confess this to anyone - there certainly can't be any good reason to confess this - I have been forgiven and turned from the sin never to return to it in 34 years.' But God kept reminding me of something that Tim had said during the teaching. He said "There is freedom from shame when you can confess the sin to someone." The Lord would not leave me alone about this. But at the same time Satan kept whispering those lies to me. And I was confused! Did God want me to confess or did Satan want me to ruin my reputation with my friends.

On Thursday morning all the way to school I was praying about what God wanted me to do. I told Him I wanted to be obedient more than anything else and would He please make it clear to me what I needed to do. I got to school and within about 10 minutes my dear friend, Nina, came into my classroom and sat down across from me. Now, this is not unusual! Nina comes into my room every morning. However, she usually starts talking or working on something. What was different on this morning was she just sat down and looked at me like she was ready to listen. I could hear God saying, "Go ahead - tell her - get rid of your shame and be free!" So I very reluctantly began to talk to her about this big secret I had harbored for 35 years. She listened and she very tenderly talked with me about what had happened and about the things in my life that followed the incident. She helped me understand a lot about my choices during my late teens and how they related to this particular incident.

But the biggest thing I now realize is that there IS power in confessing to another believer. I now know that my dear sisters in Christ will not turn their back on me. I know that even though I had been forgiven I was in bondage to shame. But the good news is: Satan can no longer rub that shame in my face - I am free!!

Lord Jesus - You are awesome! I praise Your holy name! Your power has saved me and set me free! Thank You for my dear Sisters in Christ! Thank You for Nina and her amazing friendship! May I always remember the lessons You have taught me this week.