Addictions and Grace

I have been taking a 16 week course at church - Conquering Addictions. We are on week 6. Everyone has an addiction, you know - it might be drugs, alcohol, smoking, pornography, eating, shopping, etc. This course has been offered several times and we were 'strongly' encouraged to participate. Some of the comments were "So much Bible" - "Great discipleship" - "Best thing I have ever done" - "It will bring you so much closer to God" - "It makes you go deep". I am one that LOVES Bible, discipleship, and going deep; and I am all about getting closer to God. But...this conquering addiction thing was not that appealing - not so sure I want to go down this particular road. But guess what - God kept pestering me and finally brought me to the point of knowing it is time to dive in and face my demons! Now, this is not an easy thing for anyone!!! Even though I am not battling the 'biggies', my battle is still a difficult one!! I like to eat and I like to shop! Both of these habits have gotten me into trouble throughout my adult life.

We began the course at the beginning. Sounds so simple - but I mean the beginning of the Bible. You know, In the beginning God created... I remember week 1 thinking - "OK, are you kidding me - I know this stuff forwards and backwards - don't think this is going to make me go deep"
Guess what? I was wrong! Imagine that. I have learned so much!!! I have been reminded about being created for fellowship and my need for counsel from my creator. I learned that after the fall when God told Eve her desire would be for her husband it meant she would want to control him - OMG - isn't that what every woman wants to do - control her husband, but men are made to be the head of the household - there is the problem - the battle for control!!! I have been reminded about the awesome story of the Gospel - about redemption, justification, and sanctification.

Last week we started addressing certain experiences we may have had in our past - things like sex, anger, and resentments. I thought "God, I DON'T want to do this!!! We have been over these things and you have already forgiven me! Why should I have to put this on paper and share with others? Can't this be just between you and me? And since you have forgiven me in the past, it is forgotten!! Case closed - I don't need to do this". Well, once again, NOT! He won't let me! God is making me think about people and events that I am harboring anger and resentment toward. Can you say, "Yuck!!" This is NOT fun!!! It is painful. I don't mean just painful having to dig down and pull out the past and recall how angry or hurt I was at the time - but painful to realize and accept any responsibility I may need to own for the resentment. I am not the type of person who likes to admit my faults! (The Lord has been working on me with this for quite a while.) And, you know what, all this pain and resentment recall has been making me kind of crabby!

But today I am reminded of God's grace:

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are, And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
He loves us,

Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
"How He Loves" by David Crowder Band

Lord, you are awesome! Thank you for your love. Thank you for loving me so much that you are jealous for me - jealous for me to live a life in the fullness of you. Thank you for pushing me, for molding me, for not giving up on me, and for forgiving me. Thank you for allowing me to fall in your grace as if I were sinking in the ocean. No matter how much I resist these inventories for Conquering Addictions I do want to be transformed for you!