I have been taking a 16 week course at church - Conquering Addictions. We are on week 6. Everyone has an addiction, you know - it might be drugs, alcohol, smoking, pornography, eating, shopping, etc. This course has been offered several times and we were 'strongly' encouraged to participate. Some of the comments were "So much Bible" - "Great discipleship" - "Best thing I have ever done" - "It will bring you so much closer to God" - "It makes you go deep". I am one that LOVES Bible, discipleship, and going deep; and I am all about getting closer to God. But...this conquering addiction thing was not that appealing - not so sure I want to go down this particular road. But guess what - God kept pestering me and finally brought me to the point of knowing it is time to dive in and face my demons! Now, this is not an easy thing for anyone!!! Even though I am not battling the 'biggies', my battle is still a difficult one!! I like to eat and I like to shop! Both of these habits have gotten me into trouble throughout my adult life.
We began the course at the beginning. Sounds so simple - but I mean the beginning of the Bible. You know, In the beginning God created... I remember week 1 thinking - "OK, are you kidding me - I know this stuff forwards and backwards - don't think this is going to make me go deep"
Guess what? I was wrong! Imagine that. I have learned so much!!! I have been reminded about being created for fellowship and my need for counsel from my creator. I learned that after the fall when God told Eve her desire would be for her husband it meant she would want to control him - OMG - isn't that what every woman wants to do - control her husband, but men are made to be the head of the household - there is the problem - the battle for control!!! I have been reminded about the awesome story of the Gospel - about redemption, justification, and sanctification.
Last week we started addressing certain experiences we may have had in our past - things like sex, anger, and resentments. I thought "God, I DON'T want to do this!!! We have been over these things and you have already forgiven me! Why should I have to put this on paper and share with others? Can't this be just between you and me? And since you have forgiven me in the past, it is forgotten!! Case closed - I don't need to do this". Well, once again, NOT! He won't let me! God is making me think about people and events that I am harboring anger and resentment toward. Can you say, "Yuck!!" This is NOT fun!!! It is painful. I don't mean just painful having to dig down and pull out the past and recall how angry or hurt I was at the time - but painful to realize and accept any responsibility I may need to own for the resentment. I am not the type of person who likes to admit my faults! (The Lord has been working on me with this for quite a while.) And, you know what, all this pain and resentment recall has been making me kind of crabby!
But today I am reminded of God's grace:
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are, And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
"How He Loves" by David Crowder Band
Lord, you are awesome! Thank you for your love. Thank you for loving me so much that you are jealous for me - jealous for me to live a life in the fullness of you. Thank you for pushing me, for molding me, for not giving up on me, and for forgiving me. Thank you for allowing me to fall in your grace as if I were sinking in the ocean. No matter how much I resist these inventories for Conquering Addictions I do want to be transformed for you!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Disappointments and Forgiveness
I have been disappointed again!!! Life is full of disappointments. Maybe I have too high of expectations of others. I expect people to treat others with respect - I expect people to think of others - I expect people to treat each other the way they would want to be treated. I was raised hearing the Golden Rule almost on a daily basis (it seemed like it anyway). "Do unto others the way you would want others to do unto you". I also tried to instill that in my children. I hope I didn't preach it at them on a daily basis though!
I am struggling with the decision of giving someone another chance or being a doormat!
I wonder if it could possibly be God's plan to have put someone in my life - and for this person to hurt someone I love very much - all for His glory. Does this make any sense? I don't want to mention names but I will call this person Suzy Q. I am feeling like I am suppose to talk to Suzy Q, who has made me very angry!!! I don't think I am to talk to her about my anger - but I think I am suppose to talk to her about my Jesus.
I have watched Suzy Q become part of my family - we all love her! She has been very respectful and helpful - a wonderful person. She has willingly participated in the spiritual part of our lives. And now - BAM!!! She has done something that cuts me and my family to the core!!! People are saying 'kick her to the curb' - 'you are just asking for more pain' - 'you can't trust her and you can't have a relationship with someone you can't trust'. But I somehow feel like God is saying, "Love her" - "Forgive her" - "Talk to her" - "Don't put your faith in her, put your faith in me" - "Tell her I love her and what I have done for her" - "Plant a seed".
So I think 'okay, I want to be obedient - maybe God is getting ready to do something big here and I have an opportunity to be part of it, so, YES! I will talk to Suzy Q!'.
Then I start to think, 'I am trying to make this all about me - I just want to be part of something big for God so I can feel good about myself. Who do I think I am?'
What am I suppose to do here! Lord, please make it clear!!! So I am going back to what I have always heard about God's will - If it goes against His Word, don't do it. I think it is always God's will to share His love with others. Satan would NOT want me to do that - so he must be the one telling me to forget about it - Funny how he uses my pride issue to try and talk me out of sharing Jesus.
Lord, this life experience has reminded me that I am not to depend on others to fill me up. They will always disappoint me. Only You, Lord - the Living God - can fill me up. So fill me, Jesus, with you - Empty me of me and let me be a light for You in this dark world. I want to be obedient to You Lord. Allow me the opportunity to share You with Suzy Q and grant me the right words to say. Help me and my family to forgive her and to be an example of Your love. May you be glorified through this disappointment!
I am struggling with the decision of giving someone another chance or being a doormat!
I wonder if it could possibly be God's plan to have put someone in my life - and for this person to hurt someone I love very much - all for His glory. Does this make any sense? I don't want to mention names but I will call this person Suzy Q. I am feeling like I am suppose to talk to Suzy Q, who has made me very angry!!! I don't think I am to talk to her about my anger - but I think I am suppose to talk to her about my Jesus.
I have watched Suzy Q become part of my family - we all love her! She has been very respectful and helpful - a wonderful person. She has willingly participated in the spiritual part of our lives. And now - BAM!!! She has done something that cuts me and my family to the core!!! People are saying 'kick her to the curb' - 'you are just asking for more pain' - 'you can't trust her and you can't have a relationship with someone you can't trust'. But I somehow feel like God is saying, "Love her" - "Forgive her" - "Talk to her" - "Don't put your faith in her, put your faith in me" - "Tell her I love her and what I have done for her" - "Plant a seed".
So I think 'okay, I want to be obedient - maybe God is getting ready to do something big here and I have an opportunity to be part of it, so, YES! I will talk to Suzy Q!'.
Then I start to think, 'I am trying to make this all about me - I just want to be part of something big for God so I can feel good about myself. Who do I think I am?'
What am I suppose to do here! Lord, please make it clear!!! So I am going back to what I have always heard about God's will - If it goes against His Word, don't do it. I think it is always God's will to share His love with others. Satan would NOT want me to do that - so he must be the one telling me to forget about it - Funny how he uses my pride issue to try and talk me out of sharing Jesus.
Lord, this life experience has reminded me that I am not to depend on others to fill me up. They will always disappoint me. Only You, Lord - the Living God - can fill me up. So fill me, Jesus, with you - Empty me of me and let me be a light for You in this dark world. I want to be obedient to You Lord. Allow me the opportunity to share You with Suzy Q and grant me the right words to say. Help me and my family to forgive her and to be an example of Your love. May you be glorified through this disappointment!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Happy Birthday Levi!
Yesterday was a fun day!! We celebrated Levi's birthday a little late. Levi, Kate, Jake, and I went to The Incredible Pizza Place in St. Louis. Cole joined us for a while. We ate pizza, pasta, salad, dessert, etc and then took on the big game room! Jake, Levi & Cole did their best to impress us with their strenth at some type of hammer swing game and also a punching bag. We had fun playing mini bowling, Wheel of Fortune pin ball, skee ball, dunk the alien, guitar hero, a Sega dinosaur hunting game (till Jake and Levi were told they had to share the game by an employee), bumper cars, and flaming fingers (this one was quite addicting!). We actually accumulated roughly 1200 tickets in our hour and a half! Then we had the tough decision of what we wanted to get with our tickets! Levi chose a BIG tennis ball and candy, Jake and Kate got hackie sacks, Kate got a spiny squishy pink ball and candy, and I got 2 large foam dice and a spiny squishy pink ball.
Next we headed to the mall. Everyone made at least one purchase and we enjoyed some cookies and a cherry icee!
Last stop was PetSmart. I needed to pick up some breath mints for Pixie girl. The kids had fun checking out the dogs for adoption. Levi kept threatening to try to smuggle one home, but he couldn't pull it off. That didn't scare me as much as when Jake threatened to smuggle a snake home! Yikes!!!
We made it home safe and sound with no new pets!!!
It was a great family day - I loved every minute of it - just wish Seth, Jessica, Colby and Carson could have been in on the fun!
Next we headed to the mall. Everyone made at least one purchase and we enjoyed some cookies and a cherry icee!
Last stop was PetSmart. I needed to pick up some breath mints for Pixie girl. The kids had fun checking out the dogs for adoption. Levi kept threatening to try to smuggle one home, but he couldn't pull it off. That didn't scare me as much as when Jake threatened to smuggle a snake home! Yikes!!!
We made it home safe and sound with no new pets!!!
It was a great family day - I loved every minute of it - just wish Seth, Jessica, Colby and Carson could have been in on the fun!
Jesus Saves!
I received some very exciting news a week ago! My nephew, Jordan, accepted Jesus!!! He is a freshman at Southeast Mo University and had just moved down a few days before classes started. He walked into an open area (not sure where) but anyway there was 1 guy sitting at a table so Jordan went over and sat down and started talking with this guy. Turns out the guy is planning on being a pastor. This guy asked Jordan if he could share something with him and started talking with him about salvation. After several hours, Jordan asked Jesus into his heart! Jordan's words to me were: "I've never felt this good! I don't want to spend another day not living for Jesus!" He has been attending a Bible teaching church and is getting involved in the Campus Ministry! God is so awesome! I am so grateful that this one guy was obedient and bold enough for Christ to share his faith with Jordan!!
Lord, thank you for this young man who spoke out for you. He has made a difference in your kingdom and I ask your blessing on him. Father, I pray for Jordan - may his faith in you grow and may he fall deeply in love with You. I pray for the road that is ahead of him. Grant him the strength to face the temptations that Satan will place in his path. Help Jordan as he tries to be a witness to his family and friends - may they see the difference You have made in his life! Father, I pray that I could possess a bit of this boldness for You and I pray that others can see You in my life!
Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Lord, thank you for this young man who spoke out for you. He has made a difference in your kingdom and I ask your blessing on him. Father, I pray for Jordan - may his faith in you grow and may he fall deeply in love with You. I pray for the road that is ahead of him. Grant him the strength to face the temptations that Satan will place in his path. Help Jordan as he tries to be a witness to his family and friends - may they see the difference You have made in his life! Father, I pray that I could possess a bit of this boldness for You and I pray that others can see You in my life!
Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Desire and Delight
What an AWESOME weekend this has been!!!
The Beth Moore Simulcast was such a blessing. It seems like just yesterday that my SisterChick Tracy challenged the ladies in my Bible Study with these questions: What has God placed on your heart to do? What is He calling you to do? Are you being obedient to Him? Being a host church for the simulcast came out of those little questions and God blessed our obedience tremendously! What began in March as a simple question of obedience transformed into 178 women being blessed by God's Word inside The Bridge Community Church. We were able to be part of over 90,000 women world wide in 45 states and 5 countries experiencing the message of "Coming Home to the Desires of Your Heart" delivered by Beth on Friday night and Saturday morning.
Find your delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desire. Psalm 37:4
I learned:
The desires of God's heart need to be the desires of my heart!
Nothing dictates our lives like our desires. In my natural state I will always do what I want.
Beneath the desires of our hearts is the heart of our desire. Glory and destiny are at stake.
Delighting in God adapts our desires into inevitabilities. When we are living consistantly in His will and delighting in His presence, it is inevitable that our desires will be in line with His.
Nothing external can steal our right to delight.
If I am missing out on the desires I need to check my JAW - Am I...
J - jealous - Do I have any jealousy?
A - angry - What am I mad about?
W - worried - What am I worrying or fretting about?
These things can take a bite out of my desire!
Repression will make me sick - Rebellion will make me stupid - Reverance will make me real!
To make room for delight, I must commit.
Nothing is passive about patiently waiting for desire to turn into delight. Sometimes God wants me to shut up and listen to Him. Sometimes He wants me to praise Him in the pain.
Till faith becomes sight trust God and do good.
I am called to be a mighty woman of God.
It amazes me that Beth could get all of that out of 1 verse!!
It was a blessing to feel God's presence during the Simulcast.
It was a huge blessing to see 178 women blessed by His presence!
But words cannot explain the blessing of obedience!
Lord,
Thank You for the message I received from You this weekend. Thank You for Tracy and her urging me to obedience. Thank You for a church that supported the dream You gave me. Thank You for the lessons I learned during the preparation - the lesson of focusing on Your plans - about not allowing Satan to get me side-tracked with the pettiness of this world. It was a challenge but it was Your power that gave me the strength to look outside of myself and keep my eyes focused on You. I know that I failed several times but I am so greatful for Your gentle reminders! Thank You! I am Yours!
Then - today - Celebration was AWESOME!!! Tim's conclusion to the Summer on the Mount was fantastic!!! Our God is amazing and He will not let go of me! I want to continue to live for Him, to be obedient to Him on this earth, and to anticipate eternity with Him!
The Beth Moore Simulcast was such a blessing. It seems like just yesterday that my SisterChick Tracy challenged the ladies in my Bible Study with these questions: What has God placed on your heart to do? What is He calling you to do? Are you being obedient to Him? Being a host church for the simulcast came out of those little questions and God blessed our obedience tremendously! What began in March as a simple question of obedience transformed into 178 women being blessed by God's Word inside The Bridge Community Church. We were able to be part of over 90,000 women world wide in 45 states and 5 countries experiencing the message of "Coming Home to the Desires of Your Heart" delivered by Beth on Friday night and Saturday morning.
Find your delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desire. Psalm 37:4
I learned:
The desires of God's heart need to be the desires of my heart!
Nothing dictates our lives like our desires. In my natural state I will always do what I want.
Beneath the desires of our hearts is the heart of our desire. Glory and destiny are at stake.
Delighting in God adapts our desires into inevitabilities. When we are living consistantly in His will and delighting in His presence, it is inevitable that our desires will be in line with His.
Nothing external can steal our right to delight.
If I am missing out on the desires I need to check my JAW - Am I...
J - jealous - Do I have any jealousy?
A - angry - What am I mad about?
W - worried - What am I worrying or fretting about?
These things can take a bite out of my desire!
Repression will make me sick - Rebellion will make me stupid - Reverance will make me real!
To make room for delight, I must commit.
Nothing is passive about patiently waiting for desire to turn into delight. Sometimes God wants me to shut up and listen to Him. Sometimes He wants me to praise Him in the pain.
Till faith becomes sight trust God and do good.
I am called to be a mighty woman of God.
It amazes me that Beth could get all of that out of 1 verse!!
It was a blessing to feel God's presence during the Simulcast.
It was a huge blessing to see 178 women blessed by His presence!
But words cannot explain the blessing of obedience!
Lord,
Thank You for the message I received from You this weekend. Thank You for Tracy and her urging me to obedience. Thank You for a church that supported the dream You gave me. Thank You for the lessons I learned during the preparation - the lesson of focusing on Your plans - about not allowing Satan to get me side-tracked with the pettiness of this world. It was a challenge but it was Your power that gave me the strength to look outside of myself and keep my eyes focused on You. I know that I failed several times but I am so greatful for Your gentle reminders! Thank You! I am Yours!
Then - today - Celebration was AWESOME!!! Tim's conclusion to the Summer on the Mount was fantastic!!! Our God is amazing and He will not let go of me! I want to continue to live for Him, to be obedient to Him on this earth, and to anticipate eternity with Him!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Fresh Appreciation
You have left your old sinful life and the things you did before. You have begun to live the new life, in which you are being made new and are becoming like the One who made you. This new life brings you the true knowledge of God. Colossians 3:10
Hmm - I have left my old sinful life and the things I did before. That is so true and it was a long time ago! I need to think about those 'things' I did; not because I want to think about the 'good ole days' but because I am desiring a fresh appreciation for what Abba has done for me.
I was in the dark - now I'm in the light.
I was living to please others - now I live to praise Him!
I was dirty - now I'm pure as a fresh snow.
I was lost - now I'm found.
I was ashamed - now I'm forgiven.
I was sick of myself and hated myself - now I'm full of my Father's love.
I was full of sin - now I am redeemed!
I was chained by my sins - now I'm free in Jesus!!
Thank you, Jesus, for not leaving me to my own destruction! Thank you for delivering me from the pit of sin I was in. Lord, don't let me forget where I was - not because I want to remember it, but because I want a fresh appreciation for the life I have in You. Keep moving me forward in the plans You have for me.
Hmm - I have left my old sinful life and the things I did before. That is so true and it was a long time ago! I need to think about those 'things' I did; not because I want to think about the 'good ole days' but because I am desiring a fresh appreciation for what Abba has done for me.
I was in the dark - now I'm in the light.
I was living to please others - now I live to praise Him!
I was dirty - now I'm pure as a fresh snow.
I was lost - now I'm found.
I was ashamed - now I'm forgiven.
I was sick of myself and hated myself - now I'm full of my Father's love.
I was full of sin - now I am redeemed!
I was chained by my sins - now I'm free in Jesus!!
Thank you, Jesus, for not leaving me to my own destruction! Thank you for delivering me from the pit of sin I was in. Lord, don't let me forget where I was - not because I want to remember it, but because I want a fresh appreciation for the life I have in You. Keep moving me forward in the plans You have for me.
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